Raze for Relationships

Written by Muneeb Rana · Medically reviewed by Safi Allah Khan · Last updated 26 October 2026

Raze for relationships: when porn becomes a relationship issue

Porn becomes a relationship problem in different ways. Sometimes a partner finds out and feels betrayed. Sometimes it's the person using porn who notices less interest in real intimacy, or feels guilty and starts hiding things. Sometimes both partners just disagree about whether it's okay. Each needs a different approach, and none of them is solved by an app on its own.

It also helps to know that distress about porn isn't always about how much someone watches. Research has found that feeling your use conflicts with your values, known as moral incongruence, strongly predicts how much of a problem people feel it is (Grubbs et al., 2019). Talking about values as well as behaviour usually makes the conversation more productive.

Starting the conversation

1. Choose a calm time, not right after an argument or discovery.
2. Say what you've noticed and what you want to change, in "I" language: "I want to stop because it's affecting how present I am with you."
3. Let your partner react. Hurt, anger or confusion are normal, and they don't need to be fixed in one talk.
4. Agree on what honesty will look like going forward, for example a weekly check-in rather than daily questioning.
5. Decide together whether you want outside help from a counsellor.

Who does what

Role	The person quitting	The partner
Tracking	Keeps an honest streak in Raze and logs slips	Doesn't need to check the app
Barriers	Turns on content filters on their devices	Can hold a Screen Time passcode, if both agree
Check-ins	Raises how the week went at an agreed time	Listens without interrogating
After a slip	Tells their partner within an agreed time window	Says how they feel, then focuses on the plan
Support	Considers individual therapy	Considers their own support too

Write it down with the free accountability partner agreement so expectations are clear.

Using Raze as a couple

Raze is a personal tracker; it's not designed as a shared couples app . What it can do in a relationship:

• Give the person quitting an honest record to talk from, rather than vague promises. The relapse tracker shows when and why slips happen.
• Set milestones you can both recognise, using goals.
• Show trends over a month in progress insights, which is more useful in a check-in than a single day.

Avoid making the app a monitoring tool. If a partner checks the streak every morning, it can turn recovery into surveillance, and that tends to push the behaviour back into hiding.

Relationship mistakes

• Promising "never again" after a discovery. Make a specific plan instead.
• Hiding a relapse to avoid another argument. It usually comes out later and costs more trust.
• Making the partner the only line of support. They're also hurting.
• Blaming the relationship for the habit, or the habit for every problem in the relationship.
• Delaying couples counselling until things are at breaking point.

Couple's checklist

• First conversation held at a calm time
• Honesty agreement written down
• Filters on the quitting partner's devices
• A weekly check-in time agreed
• Plan for how a slip will be shared
• Counsellor search started if either of you wants it

When to involve a professional

If trust has been badly damaged, if porn use feels compulsive, or if conversations keep ending in the same fight, a couples or sex therapist can help. You can search for one through the Psychology Today directory or the APA Psychologist Locator. Our guide to porn addiction therapy explains what to expect.

Rebuilding trust takes time

If porn use was hidden, trust usually comes back through consistency over months, not one big promise. Small, reliable actions matter most: keeping the check-in you agreed, telling the truth about slips, and following through on filters. Partners often say that what hurt most was the secrecy rather than the porn itself. Our guide to talking to your partner about porn has scripts for difficult conversations.

If your partner is the one quitting

Support works better than surveillance. Ask what would help, agree on check-ins together, and look after your own wellbeing too. Couples therapy can help if the conversations keep going badly.

Talking about it with a partner

If you decide to tell a partner, choose a calm moment rather than straight after an argument or a relapse. Say what you're working on and what support would help, for example check-ins once a week rather than daily questions. Agree in advance how you'll handle a slip so it doesn't turn into a fight. Some couples find a counsellor helps them have this conversation; that's a sign of taking it seriously, not of failure.

Relationship questions

Should I tell my partner about my porn use? That's a personal decision. Many people find that recovery is easier without a secret to protect, but think about timing and consider a counsellor's help.

Can my partner see my Raze data? Not unless you show them. Raze is a personal app .

Is it normal for a partner to feel betrayed? Yes. Feelings vary a lot between couples; give them space and consider getting support together.

Related: How to Find an Accountability Partner · Porn Addiction · Raze: Quit Porn Tracker for a Clean Streak

Sources

• APA Psychologist Locator: locator.apa.org (accessed 24 October 2026)
• Mayo Clinic: Erectile dysfunction: mayoclinic.org (accessed 24 October 2026)

• Grubbs et al. (2019), Pornography problems due to moral incongruence, Archives of Sexual Behavior: pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov (accessed 26 October 2026)
• Psychology Today: Find a therapist: psychologytoday.com (accessed 26 October 2026)